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Immortals 2011
Description: Theseus is a mortal boy selected by Zeus to lead the war vs the ruthless Lord Hyperion, who is on a rampage across Greece to receive a weapon that can destroy humanity.
Released: 11 Nov 2011 Director: Tarsem Singh Writers: Charley Parlapanides, Vlas Parlapanides Actors: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Stephen Dorff, Freida Pinto Genres: Action, Drama, Fantasy, Romance
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Immortals Reviews:

I read quite a lot of nice reviews so I was cute excited when I when to watch the film. Unfortunately it was one of the worse movies I've ever seen. If you know even a several things about Greek mythology then do NOT watch it. I didn't expect them to follow it fully but since they are using the names of heroes and gods they should at least test their background.First of all, Theseus was not a "bastard" as they call him. His father was the lord of Athens (Aegean) and he certainly was not a peasant since he became the lord of Athens himself.Second there were 12 gods not 6 and I've never heard of Zeus killing any another god or about the law of not interfering with humans. Gods loved to "play around" with people.Third: as later as I saw the so named Titans I felt like leaving the theater. The last time I checked, they were not blue folks who jump around like monkeys and have no intelligence.Fourth: I am not a racist. I have mates from all around the globe but using an Indian actress as Phaedra and black folks for fighters feels out of space. I repeat I am not a racist but in a movie "based" on Greek mythology they should at least test actors that resemble the folks of the country and since the priests were talking in "Greek", they should at least create it sound like Greek. It took me some time to realize they were not talking in an alien language and when I did, I still read the subtitles to understand what they were saying, even though it is my first language.I do not wish to over analyze the mistakes concerning the mythology but I have to day that Phaedra was not a priest but a princess and Theseus definitely did not bury his mother in the labyrinth of minotaur which is in Crete, minotaur was not a boy with an iron mask on his head and Theseus did not follow his own bloody traces to leave the labyrinth.I should write pages about mythology but I will stop here. Another than that, I did not really play the wars much. I gotta tell that some of them were nice but most of them concentrated on showing too much blood. If you play watching folks chopping off body parts and literally smashing folks into nothingness in slow motion then this is a movie for you.Also, there was not depth in the characters. They are all shallow and you can easy guess what their choices they will create or how they will react to certain situations. The same goes with the plot. The ending is cute much known from the beginning there is no mystery at all. We learn everything in the first 20 mins and then just watch few wars until the end.All in all, the makers just used some "famous" names from the Greek mythology and created a lot of violent wars in an attempt to gain the attention of the viewers.


If you're going to mess up Greek mythology, I guess you might as well create it pretty. Immortals is a semi-related-sequel to the wonderful movie 300, which not only looked pretty but had this wonderful storyline of triumph and strength, overcoming strong numbers with a sense of knowing who you are and the pride you have. Immortals was created by director Tarsem Singh who also directed The Cell, which was an alright storyline followed up by some nice visuals, the same thing happens here. I think Tarsem is just known for making a pretty film with a low story, he's more of a visualist rather than a storyline teller. I still couldn't wait to see Immortals and sadly was very disappointed, unfortunately this was just a low storyline with some bizarre miscasts.King Hyperion has declared fight on humanity. He searches for the Epirus Bow, a legendary weapon created by the fight god Ares, which will let him to gratis the rest of the Titans from Tartarus and take revenge on the Olympians who brought about their downfall. In accordance with ancient laws, the gods are unable to take a side in the fight between Hyperion and humanity. It is left to Theseus, who was selected by Zeus and accompanied by the priestess Phaedra and a thief called Stavros, to protect his homeland and save the gods.To start with the positives, like I told the visuals really are incredible. Actually the CGI is over the top, but sometimes I don't mind, we need the cute occasionally. Plus like I told if you are going to mess up mythology at least we should create it pretty to look at. When I go to a museum and look at the Greek statues, I am in awe and that's what I felt with some of the visuals in the film. The war scenes were so well choreographed, a tiny ripped off from 300, but that's alright. They took the 3D to their advantage with the blood splatter and the stabbings and honestly, it was fun to watch. And if not for the script, the storyline was now very good, it's something that just required some work.The cast though: Henry Cavill as our hero, Theseus, I don't know if it was the actor or the method he was written but I couldn't really root for his character. He seemed to lack the charisma that made me trust that not only is this boy a character but that he's a God. He has this stage where he is giving the large speech to his units that is freaking out when they see the numbers they are about to face in fight and he tells something along the lines "I bleed like you bleed" and randomly they're just like "Yeah!", that's it? It didn't take much encouragement and the method that Henry delivered it was low in my opinion. Freida Pinto, pretty lady, decent actress, however was an unneeded hero and had no chemistry with Henry. Stephen Dorff did an alright job as the sidekick who often lends a joke when required but makes for a nice warrior and has some nice action scenes. Mickey Rourke really does test very difficult to be the terrible God like Lord Hyperion, but again the threat wasn't so much there. He mumbles so many lines and won't stop eating when on the screen, why not just give him a cat to stroke while talking about his plan? The ending war stage between Hyperion and Theseus was so anti-climatic to me. The mighty legendary wonderful God Zeus played by… Luke Evans? Oh, my*slaps head and groans*, I don't think I need to tell more, that was just wrong.I think that if the storyline besides some casting issues, maybe if the movie was trimmed down a bit, the movie would have worked a lot better. Despite being over the top, I like the Greek mythology as a soap opera of some sorts, that's what it was like while writing and saying these stories. The movie has a lot of flaws, however, I would suggest seeing in the theater if anything, go see the matinée. The visuals are absolutely pretty and the war scenes are a lot of fun. But don't expect the storyline to be there, this film is not a rental, even as a blu ray, I'd suggest just seeing it in the theater if you wish to see some nice unique effects. But Tarsem does need to work on his stories, I know he has some major potential, 300 was cute and had a nice storyline to boot, if there's a sequel, you have one more possibility to create this storyline into a classic that we can proudly display with Jason and the Argonauts.5/10


Watching Immortals is like eating a large platter full of candy and sugary sweets. There's plenty to look at and many savoury sweets to indulge in... Only for you to not realize that by the time it's all over and done with, you'll be left with a lingering stomach ache. Which is exactly what is the trouble with all types of candy; eye candy or the current meal itself. It's not until you're complete devouring such large portions of it you realize you've absorbed absolutely nothing.I have nothing at all vs Tarsem Singh, an amazingly talented and visionary director. I loved The Cell, even though it was a bit mind-screwy (though as later as it's done, you realize what was true and what was not). Each shot in that movie was to die for, starting with the opening frame of Dead Vlei. The Fall was a film that I managed to stumble upon by accident on IMDb. I watched the trailer and quickly decided "I gotta see this!". Later after I rented the DVD, watched it, and thought "holy crap, that was amazing."So as you may or may not be able to tell, I went into Immortals solely due to Singh's namesake, and the one thing that entered my mind as later as his name appeared over the closing credits was "did someone keep a gun to his head and force him to direct this boring 'movie'?"It really is a shame. I love Greek mythology, and I thought Singh would be able to carry a Greek mythology themed movie well. Let's tell he did well with the visuals part; his trademark visual brilliance is all over this film. Each single frame of the film is a work of art in itself. That said, the script is so agonizingly slow, boring and disgustingly patronizing.Sure there's a lot of holes in the mythos- Theseus being a bastard, the sacred bow, etc. But those are the least of the movies problems. The storyline and sequence of happenings plays as if it were adapted from a gore-obsessed 10 year old's paper on Greek mythology. One particularly insulting plot hole comes from the bow- when Theseus buries his dead mother in the cave, we are to assume the bow chose him and deemed him worthy of using the bow itself- yet Hyperion can test it without problem?!The acting is insultingly awful. Cavill seems to think that just standing there and looking handsome and what not is acting. And while he is indeed a handsome fellow, he fits the role of Theseus in looks only. He barely emotes throughout the film, and even the one stage (where he watches his mother receive killed) isn't enough to redeem his boring performance. Freida Pinto does an alright job though her performance wasn't nothing we saw in Slumdog Millionaire or Rise of the Planet of the Apes. And I have a large boy crush on Mickey Rourke, but he was just hilariously bad. He rehashed his performances from Iron Boy 2 and Sin City, and the effect was not good.The movie plods along at a snail's pace. We receive a handful of action, and all are very short. Even the war stage at the end was boring as frack. The slow, sedated pace wouldn't be such a trouble if the dialogue weren't so awful. The dialogue sounds like an immature 14 year old wrote it, and I wouldn't be surprised if one did. The exploding heads stage was awesome, but that was it.In short, guys will go see Immortals for the war sequences and gods fracking items up, and women will go see it for the guys walking around, letting their abs/muscles be the center of attention, neither of which being anything they wouldn't receive from viewing the IMDb publicity stills for the movie- something they can do for free. Well, girls, if your boyfriend takes you to this movie, swiftly pull him aside and say him "maybe you and me being together just isn't working out for either of us...". Guys, if your group of buddies drags you to this movie, instantly slash all ties with them and inform them that they're idiots.And to the writers, your scripts are more suited for no-talent cheats like Michael Bay or Terrance Malick. Have you seen either of Singh's previous 2 films? That guy has a wicked imagination. Allow him test it on worthy scripts.OVERALL: 3/10THE GOOD: It looks pretty. There's exploding heads and Mickey Rourke. And Freida Pinto naked.THE BAD: ...everything else.



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