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Easy Kill 1989
Description: Frank Davies is a bar owner and ex-cop. The lovely Jade Anderson walks into the bar one night and Frank is smitten. He learns that her husband is a diplomat gone bad, smuggling drugs in from Peru. He decides to support her but Jade has her own machinations. She thinks that she's got him twisted around her tiny finger, but he knows a lot more than he's letting on. He knows about the bomb. The money...
Released: 12 Apr 1990 Director: Josh Spencer Writers: Greg Latter Actors: Frank Stallone, Jane Badler, Cameron Mitchell, Shayne Leith Genres: Action, Crime, Thriller
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Easy Kill Reviews:

I wonder who the first filmmaker was who decided that since he couldn't afford Sylvester Stallone, he'd just hire his brother Frank. Unfortunately it was not meant to be, as Frank's acting skills are...not the best.With that said, Simple Slay is a gem of awfulness, including the acting, script, directing, editing, screenplay, and just about any another aspect of film-making.One of my favourite things about the film is that the opening credits introduce a "Special Guest Star, Cameron Mitchell". Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure that moves CAN have guest stars, since there's only one showing.One memorable stage shows Jade, the leading actress, telling "how great Frank's hands are." The thing is that we have a clear view of Frank's hands and they are stubby and basically just very ugly. Nothing vs Frank personally, but why would that line be in the script when it's not true? Especially when it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the "plot".It's almost as if they had no interest in making Frank's "heroic" hero appear to be a character at all. He is extremely unlikable as a character. He is rude, a stalker, and he's everytime wearing Jade's husband's clothes.The film drags on and on and repeats itself again and again. Unfortunately, the scenes that repeat are terrible, including the nauseating scenes of Frank driving around.The question I am left with after watching this monstrosity is "who was the 'Easy Kill'? Clearly other editing blooper as any credible film would have its game somehow connected with the movie.I normally play watching poor movies. Films like "Eegah" and "They Live" are really terrible as well, but they are MUCH more entertaining. There is NOTHING redeeming about this movie. The only method to survive through Simple Slay is to pay attention to search some of the unlimited plot-holes, which isn't difficult to do. Stay away from this disaster.


Frank Stallone (fraynk sta-lone) n. Brother of star Sylvester Stallone. Talents contain singing, songwriting, and acting.Wait, scratch acting. The boy is as wooden as many teen heartthrobs that act are today.A tiny background: Frank, thanks to his brother, started a singing career with the release of the Sly-helmed STAYING ALIVE (1983) and its soundtrack. After one album (his self-titled one), he faded into obscurity, making a several others that sound like they're worth checking out.But before that, he did few movies and the end credits song for RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985). This is one of his worst.Frank stars as Frank Davies, the owner of a bar named Frank's (original!). The boy winds up smitten when Jade Anderson (Jane Badler of V fame) walks into the bar, distraught, and buys a couple of drinks. Frank follows her out of the bar and offers to take her home. Jade, despite knowing Frank for all of 10 minutes, accepts, but gets out the first time he stops. Frank, knowing her address, goes there and learns of Jade's troubles after he is nearly run down by a blue Pontiac. She says him of her diplomat husband Alex, who, in the opening scene, sells some cocaine, kills his cronies, and keeps the money for himself. Alex is using his diplomatic immunity to smuggle coke out of Peru, and Jade is being menaced by him, having found out too much. Frank decides to protect her, but winds up in a scheme involving bombs, cash, and Jade may be involved (if you've seen BODY HEAT (1981) you've seen it coming). Can Frank dig himself out of this hole? Now, for the review: Frank could really stick to singing, as his acting fully blows. He tries to sound like his brother, and fails. Jane Badler, along with the another actors, does a here-for-the-paycheck job. The writing is horrendous, with one stage sounding like the page was place into a shredder and pieced back together at random. The director, to quote MST3K on FUTURE WAR (1997), seems to have shot the movie without looking at it. The movie is padded with long scenes of driving (THRILL!). Could say you how exciting the rest of the movie is.There is one great plot twist (will not reveal), but apart from that, stay away from it. The movie got a well deserved trashing at the Agony Booth, and I highly suggest that, but the current movie could be avoided unless you're an aspiring MSTie.Verdict: BOMB (no stars)


"Easy Kill" (1989, Josh Spencer): Ah, "Easy Kill". I don't think I've ever seen a sleazier movie than this. This movie is 100% pure, uncut '80s sleaze. Each single stage just exudes it from each pore. The characters are scummy, the lighting is dark and smoky (but not in an evocative way), with most of the movie taking zone (where else?) in a bar, the costuming is all shoulder-pads and pastel dress shirt-khaki combos, the melody is all '80s sax and synths. For god's sake, the movie stars Frank f-cking Stallone, haha.The movie deals with a girl called Jade, who is fleeing from her murderous drug dealer husband, and is assisted by bartender Frank, who gets IN TOO DEEP, etc, etc. The main characters are played by Jade Badler and Frank Stallone, meaning, yes, they have the same names as their characters, making this seem less like a film and more like what Frank Stallone does on Friday nights.The film's technical aspects are about as accomplished as you'd expect from a cheapo '80s flick. The direction is staid, the acting poor, the editing jarring, the sound editing ludicrously bad, with the lvls moving up and down within the same SHOTS, things cutting off and foleyed back within scenes, etc. (in a excellent storm of badness, her husband's dialogue appears to have been shuttled in from other movie that took zone on an airplane hangar, and also sounds like he does voiceovers for film trailers when he's not shooting folks and dealing coke) and the boom mike encroaches on about each third shot.Frank Stallone looks like Sylvester and Jay Leno had a baby. Also, the movie gives us a unbelievable changing sequence between the two main characters, where we *deLIGHTfully* search out that he wears smaller, tighter underwear than she does. I can see how Frank Stallone's bulge was absolutely imperative to the movie (in fact, he seems to take his shirt off at each opportunity, and I saw his breasts more than any gratuitous female, which seems to indicate that the filmmakers were unaware of the store for this film, unless of course I severely underrate the store for "lame action films where less famous action-star brothers present off their hairy chests".The movie has a minor reputation in terrible film circles as being a classic of '80s action sleaze (hey, there's that word again), and it only sort-of delivers. The movie doesn't fulfill all of the Hilariously Terrible Action Film Checklist (it has the terrible acting, hilariously terrible dialogue and mindbogglingly stupid plot twists, but lacks any propensity for sudden explosions), and seems to run far too long, making it closer to pure badness than fun badness. The movie does have one shot (literally) that was a bit inspired (the husband shoots a dude in the face through a pillow, masking a shortcoming and making what should have been a neat motif with the feathers flying), but it comes almost certainly by accident. as doing anything right in this movie was certainly not intentional.{Grade: D- (1/10) / #25 (of 25) of 1989}



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